Honesty & Trust: Reflections on Our Journey to Tithing
Believe it or not I’m finishing up ANOTHER project! This one is near and dear to my heart as it is the collection of my writings over the past fifteen years; writings of grief, lament, prayers and questioning. The source of these poems, prayers and thoughts is simply the perpetual quest to meet with God amidst the most difficult times of my life. I believe their raw and unfiltered honesty could perhaps be a source of not only community to others who also struggle to put words to their truest doubts and laments of faith, but also a source of hope.
Today, I believe my faith has been strengthened and refined, not only by tragic and difficult circumstances but more so by my unashamed wrestling with God through them. I left nothing unsaid in my anger and frustrations and in the safety of His hearing, He left nothing of my hurt and sorrow unseen and uncared for. He is a faithful friend and careful healer.
So, from time to time, I will share some of these excerpts, unfinished and do my best to give them some context so you can fully appreciate their voice. Some passages are completely unedited, some I’ve added grammatical editing and some I’ve altered slightly to protect identities of people who don’t wish to be named.
“A Prayer of Trust”
“We know we weren't trusting You fully with our finances,
We were stealing the tithe from You.
In repentance we have been faithful in obeying;
Honoring you with the tithe at every income we receive.
“Even though we don't have enough to make ends meet,
We are trusting you will provide; Trusting we can't out-give you.
Trusting you will open up heaven and pour out blessing on our obedience and faith, on our love and trust in You.
“We are trusting, rather,
Trying to trust!
We are trusting in our hearts and with our lips;
Trusting while we look like fools,
Trusting when we cannot see any hope.”
This writing came from a time when my husband and I were struggling in the first few years of starting and running a business from scratch; our sole source of income. All three of our children were born and I was in the throws of raising young motherhood. We were surviving.
Yet, we loved the Lord, and wanted to honor him with our lives, so we served the local church, the place we called home for nearly 16 years. Because money was so tight, we opted to “tithe” our time and energy rather than our finances. We gave a little here or there but certainly not the 10% we knew it was supposed to be. So we worked. WE did projects for the church, free labor, donated our gifts and talents to make the building beautiful and ministries supported. We gave certainly above and beyond the 10% tithe if what our time was worth was exchanged into dollars.
Even so, our spiritual walk was sluggish. Our personal lives, suffering. It wasn’t until we came to a huge life altering shift of circumstances that we ended up in a new church and the challenge of the tithe was presented to us. God was exposing in our hearts the fear and scarcity that plagued us in regards to money. We “tithed” our time and energy not because we trusted and loved Him but because it was easy for us. It wasn’t our first fruits, it was safe. God wanted us to actually TRUST Him! To step out on a very shaky limb and put our works where our faith was, to give from a place of nothing and see that He would make something from it. HE wanted us to rely on Him in the one area we were desperately holding onto to control and miser.
So, we made a promise. I think it was a 90-Day tithing challenge, not some clever churchy scheme to get more money from its congregants, no, it was a radical step of faith for us, to actual put God to the test, the only test He challenges His people to put him to.
“ ‘Will a man rob God? Yet you are robbing Me!’
But you ask, ‘How do we rob You?’
‘In tithes and offerings. 9You are cursed with a curse, yet you—the whole nation—are still robbing Me.10Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house. Test Me in this,’ says the LORD of Hosts. ‘See if I will not open the windows of heaven and pour out for you blessing without measure.’”
(Malachi 3:8-10)
This passage changed our lives. We knew we were robbing Him of our trust and obedience, so we put our money where our mouth was. We starting tithing 10% of our income every paycheck, not knowing where the money would come to pay our bills and buy groceries. Not knowing if God would actual do as His Word promised and pour out blessing without measure.
The excerpt above makes be smile now as I reread it, knowing full well how much blessing God has poured out since that shift in our faith. He is SO faithful! Not only did he provide for us financially but (and I say this with tears in my eyes) He also transformed our marriage and my mental health in the process. He breathed new life into our home and spirits.
Oh, how I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, “It’s okay! There is hope! He will do it!” But this is life isn’t it; a series of steps of faith with no one from the future telling us how or where each step will lead us?
If you are embarking on a radical journey in your faith, or perhaps you too have been robbing God of the tithe of your Trust, can I encourage you with the words I wanted to give myself? Go for it! It will be okay! There is hope. He will do it for you too.
Until next time…